Saturday, April 25, 2015

V: by Virgin (26 Ways to Die in Medieval Hungary)

Admit it, "death by virgin" does sound very intriguing.

We have finally arrived to one of the good kings Hungary had in the middle ages - the knight-hero-warrior, one-head-taller-than-everyone, dashingly handsome, stunningly talented László I, the Knight King (1077-1095). He was the son of the unfortunate Béla I (the one that got throned to death), and, similar to his father, as knightly as a knight can be.
Since he was later sainted, there are countless legends about László in Hungarian folklore where he defeats enemies, breaks mountains in two, and makes healing springs bubble up from the ground. According to legend he is also responsible for the nummulites that can be found in several places in Hungary (they are supposed to have been the enemy's golden coins that turned to stone at László's prayer so that his soldiers would stop picking them up and focus on winning the freaking battle instead)
Anyhow.

The most famous story about St. László is that of the virgin and the Cuman warrior (yeah, the Cumans again). László fought several battles against the Cumans who kept breaking into the kingdom. According to legend in one of these battles he spotted a Cuman warrior who had snatched up a maiden and was riding away with her. Ignoring his battle wounds, László chased after them, but his horse was slow and tired. He yelled to the maiden to drag the Cuman down, and she managed to tip her kidnapper out of the saddle and they both tumbled to the ground. László caught up and started fighting the warrior but the fight was fairly even - the king was wounded and tired, and while the fight devolved into wrestling, he still couldn't win. Finally the maiden snatched up a sword and hamstrung the Cuman warrior, who was thus finally defeated.
(Look at the picture, they totally look like they are hugging it out...)

This is an ancient story that probably existed long before László came along - he just gave his name to a hero-figure that saves the damsel and kills the bad guy. In some versions he is pictured as sleeping the fight off with his head on the maiden's lap while she is picking at his hair - which is sexy sexy medieval visual symbolism for bonking, just so you know.

20 comments:

  1. I like this one a lot. :) The king doesn't die and the damsel helps him out! Of course, if a guy like that wanted me to "comb his hair," I'd probably consider it. ;)

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  2. I wasn't sure what to expect in the method of actual death, I think my brain invented something far more x-rated!

    Mars
    Curling Stones for Lego People

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  3. I wasn't sure what to expect in the method of actual death, I think my brain invented something far more x-rated!

    Mars
    Curling Stones for Lego People

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  4. I learned much as usual. Lol at the medieval symbolism for bonking.

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  5. So in some representations she didn't remain a maiden for long then ;)
    Tasha
    Tasha's Thinkings | Wittegen Press | FB3X (AC)

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  6. Death by virgin. I like that! haha And good for her! She saved the day and herself.

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  7. Not what I was expecting. I thought -- well, the maiden did do him in (heh heh do him) -- just not in the way I imagined. I was thinking hired assassin girl in intimate moment -- guess the was one of those too!-- only not with a horse chase.

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  8. What a brave virgin! She saved the king :)

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  9. Is "Virgin" code for 13-years old?

    I can totally picture them hugging it out. They were both tired and wounded, lying on the ground having realized "Damn, maybe we didn't think this through..." As they just weakly smacked each other.

    The girl probably stabbed one of them because she felt embarrassed for them.

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    Replies
    1. Your comment made me laugh! I'm kind of amused that this Lazlo was already weary from battle, but had to do his manly duty of rescuing the poor maiden, who turned out to be quite capable of taking care of herself!
      Maui Jungalow

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  10. "one-head-taller-than-everyone, dashingly handsome, stunningly talented " !! why wasn't I who saved the king?

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  11. OK. Not the ending I expected. My imagined version is much sexier, lol.

    Life After Retirement - My Russian Adventure

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  12. Yay for the violent virgin... she got to keep...
    Wait...
    Doh... maiden no more...

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  13. That is some picture. As they try to throw each other tiredly to the ground, the virgin sneaks up and cuts his hamstrings. The sword must have been amazingly sharp so she could do it fast and he never knew until he hit the ground. The our hero takes a nap while she picks lice out of his hair, which really means she was no longer a virgin.

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  14. Interesting. Death by virgin, although the actual story is a little different than what first popped into my head at the idea. :-)

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  15. I love the ending of this story. It actually sounds a bit like a dark comedy, with the good guys winning.

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  16. LOL! That's fantastic.
    J here, stopping by from the #atozchallenge.
    -J @JLenniDorner

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